In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

Unfortunately the subject line does not explain the burrito's usual path along my digestive tract, but rather describes this past May's burrito appreciation month from the eyes of yours truely.

June 1 is always a reflective day as it marks the official end of the most wonderful 31 days of the year, May, in which we celebrate the burrito.

The first half of this month I was carelessly frolicing for burrito stand to burrito stand without a care in the world. Beautiful spanglish flowed from my mouth, and the burrito was the center of my attention. In the second half of May, due to a relentless work and travel schedule, coupled with numerous personal engagements, I was hardly able to make time for my dear old friend the burrito.

Although over the last 2+ weeks I was only able to enjoy 3 burritos, I feel it is my appointed duty to tell you about these burrito experiences:

1. Las Camales #3 - 1500 block of West 18th Street (Pilsen) - On Mothers Day I took a trip to Pilsen to celebrate the other giver of life, the burrito. My sights were set on El Nuevo Leon which I believe to be the best and most authentic Mexican Resturant in Chicago. I could write a novel on the merits of this paradise located on the near south side of Chicago. With its excellence, though, comes a huge following and a 2+ hour wait, mostly consisting of locals from the neighborhood. Strapped for time I went across the street to Las Camales #3 and ordered a Pastor y Carne Asada Burrito. The staff was extremely friendly and the scene was vibrant, however, the burrito was only average...there was no greatness here. Nothing wrong with the burrito, but nothing to pull me back...it was kind of like the neighbor who is nice enough, but doesn't really beckon you in. Average meat and beans, OK veggies. I give it a 5.5 out of 10.

2. Las Asadas - 2000 block of North Western Ave (Bucktown) - This burrito stand is in a brand new and much upgraded location. It used to be located in a small shack across the street that is now populated by a hot dog stand. Although it is now in a very nice locale, it has not lost its roots, making great burritos. The Las Asadas Burrito is a meat lovers dream. I ordered a carne asada burrito mixed only with cilantro and onions. The meat is delicious, and the burrito was great! Even in the 85-degree mid-day heat, this was an excellent way to top of a nice long run through the neighborhood. The burrito never touched the plate once I picked it up. 8.5 out of 10.

3. The Burrito house - 3500 block of North Lincoln Ave (Northcenter) - There is no reason to even write about this burrito - it is simply the best! 10 out of 10! Get the hell off you computer and go get one (I recommend Al Pastor, but there is no wrong choice here, even for vegetarians)! Go, now!!! Buena, Buena, Buena!!!

With the excitement of May past me, I no longer take joy in stalking the Burritophile. Feelings are simmered and for the next 11 months were are meerely friends who may catch a ball game or golf together.

God is May wonderful! See you all in 2011!

Viva Milwaukee

Friday May 14 found me in my hometown of Milwaukee Wisconsin. Though I have not held residence in Milwaukee for almost a decade and a half, it is a place that is very near and dear to me. Still an avid Wisconsin sports fan, I find myself in the stands many times in the city that is known as "a great place by a great lake".

If glutney if you favorite of the deadly sins, Milwaukee very well may be your type of town. With a deep German heritage, and prevalent dairy farming industry, Milwaukee is full of wonderful cheeses, sausages, and beers; Not holding to the sterotype, though, it is a pregressive place to which welcomes many varieties of wonderful food.

Th difficult thing for me, though, is coming from the burrito epicenter of the world, Chicago, I cannot understand why there is not a burrito joint on every corner of every street in every city. 100 Miles north in Milwaukee, there is certainly not a burrito joint on every corner.

After a night of baseball and beers, I found myself with 3 other friends at Jaliscos. Located on East North Avenue, it is in the center of the very young and vibrant East Side of Milwaukee.

In the spirit of Burrito Appreciation Month, I ordered in the language of the burrito, Spanglish. The current burrito is neither purely Mexican or American, and I feel that ordering in a fushion language is expected, if not required. Most burrito places in Chicago will entertain my butchered version of Spanglish, and amazingly, for the most part, I get a meal that is pretty close to what I intended to order. Jaliscos, despite my friends clarifications of my Spanglish, did not understand it...Strike one.

If you are hoping this blog post is going to read like a romantic comedy with a happy ending (i.e. boy goes to hometown and meets burrito heaven), read no further. It didn't happen. Though I was far too lit to recount exact details of the experience and tell you in depth about the ingreidients of the burrito, I will tell you one thing, I did not like it...Strike two. The burrito was fairly medicore and bland. Even in my haze, I did not eat more than half of this burrito. The one redeeming quility about this place was that they had good natchos, but that if perifery and I am more concerned about the main course, the burrito.

With El Chico Zuma and its delicious burrito suizo vacating the east side in the middle of this decade, I feel that outside of Walkers Point, Milwaukee is left with a true burrito void in an otherwise vibrant city. I challenge Milwaukee people on this blog to please find me (or open) a burrito place place that will keep me coming back.

Overall, I will give Jaliscos a 5 out of 10. It has two strikes against it, but it is still in the batters box. I will return, and I hope for a better performance. In the meantime, I am returning to Chicago tomorrow as I no longer wish to be 100 mils away from the burrito phile.

Until next time.

Taco Burrito Express #2

Upon leaving the Cubs game last night (I am excused for going to the game b/c I was with a South Floridian who was an opposing Marlins fan), I found myself within a cab shot of Lakeview and more importantly the Taco Burrito Express #2.

The Taco Burrito Express is a long time favorite, and when I lived in Laveview from 2001 to 2006, this was my go to burrito place. Though I have been back numerous times after moving, this was like a trip through memory lane as I was with my old roomate from Lakeview, Matt, and headed to our favorite spot of old.

Upon entering, I immediately felt at home. The same worker from days back (who coincidentally gave me a Taco Burrito Express worker's polo in 2005) was still manning the register and working the grill. It took me about 2 seconds to come to the decision that I wanted their best, the Al Pastor Burrito.

Their burritos in general have the extra ingredient of love that is missing from so many of it contemporary burrito joints. I sounds so simple, but the way that they lightly toast their burrito on the outside of the shell adds exponentially to the experience of this burrito. I don't know that the individual ingredints are the finest or freshist that I have ever tasted, but I judge the burrito as a whole, and the final product that they deliver is unbelievable. To add to it, they have truely become a master of the Al Pastor. Al Pastor can be a delicate meat choice, and many times can come out either too bland, or too salty and overpowered with barbeque. At TBE #2, they got it just right , and that justifies the cab ride. It is the type of burrito that keeps you coming back, so matter what distance and cost.

Unfortunately today, I need to take a break from my burrito consumption. After work, I will devote a majority of my time looking for my sneaky monkey, the Burrito Phile.

Until next time!

La Cocina Es Muy Buena

A hurried lunch break found me at La Cocina (45 N. Wells - Loop) for quick burrito bliss in the middle of an otherwise hectic day.

I ordered the Carne Asada Burrito Suizo, and right off the bat, I was very impressed. Suizo, en Espanol, means "swiss". I don't know what was swiss about this burrito, but I would like to offer a better translation for suizo..."delicious". The melted cheese on top of this great burrito was a wonderful and delightful addition. For those of you burrito purists who don't believe that cheese belongs on a burrito, I sugest you let La Cocina change your mind, but I digress, burrito appreciation awareness is supposed to untie, not divide.

The rest of the burrito was no joke eather. The carne asada was tender and juicy, and melted in the mouth. The Lettuce and tomato were very fresh and proportioned properly in relation to the meat in order give the burrito a light and fresh taste without overwhelming. Beans and sour cream topped off the burrito contents, and again created a synergetic combination of components that resulted in a tasty and delicious mid-day treat.

The service at La Cocina was friendly and efficient. I have been told that close to noon it gets pretty hairy, but at 11:30AM, quick and efficient burrito satisfaction is not a problem.

The burrito with tax, cost $8.03. While by burrito appreciation standards, that is a bit expensive, it really isn't too bad for a loop lunch, all things considered. The loop will not bring Pilsen or Humbolt Park prices, and I am willing to accept that.

Overall, I give this an 8. If I was hammered and it was 3AM, it might even climb up to an 8.5. Not bad for a lunch, and defilately the most fun I can have at my work desk without the burrito phile present.

Until next time!!!

No Flash, Por Favor

On this Siete de Mayo, one of the highest and holiest of all burrito days, I have to share a very sad and cautionary tale. There is an evil that lurks in this city. It's main purpose is to degrade, defame, and defile the scantity of the burrito. This poisonous venom goes by the name Flash Taco.

I was first introducted to Flash Taco, who we will refer to as the devil, on a clear and dusty day in June of 2006. It was the type of day where the birds were chirping and you could do no wrong. I light dust lifted from a sidewalk reconstruction project at the corner of North and Damen right in front of the devil. I had just moved to bucktown a month previous and after a day of moderate day drinking, I entered the devil's door . I was getting ready to be wisked away by enlightning burrito bliss, but such satisfaction was not meant to be. I placed an order for an Al Pastor Burrito, which if done right is the king of all burritos. I can't tell you how sad I was when I got home and realized that I had been suckered as the burrito I was holding in my hand was nothing more than dehydrated animal grissle.

Fast forward two months to the Lollapalooza Music Festival. I had friends in town from California and it was a beautiful Friday evening. After seeing my favorite band, Ween, my friends and I had worked up a bit of an appetite. Once again things were going great and I was on a real high, both from the natural euphoria the festival brought and the drugs I had taken. After leaving the fest we had taken the blue line el train which dropped us off right in front of the devil. There was a line coming out of the devil and I thought to myself "I must be crazy, this can't be that bad?"...WRONG. The burritos that we had were so awful that they stopped me and my intoxicated friends in our tracks. I had to appologize to my friends repeatedly for the next few years for that piss poor burrito experience. In fact I heard my friend from the Bay area mutter the words "Chicago certainly isn't a burrito town".....Appologizing for burritos? Chicago's not a burrito town? WTF was the devil doing to me?

The final straw came the following winter. After a day of drinking and watching basketball I had worked up a gnarly appetite. Being the kind and forgiving person that I am, I figured that maybe the devil has changed. Maybe the Devil chose to use good meat instead of dried lard. I should have dismissed those notions and run for the hills, but instead I found myself in the devil's dining room again. The burrito that I got was so awful that after taking two bites of it on Damen Avenue, I decided to throw it against a building in pure disgust. It was my perferance to go home drunk and hungry than to eat the devils pitiful excuse for a burrito This is the only ducumented launching or wasting of a burrito by yours truely. Three Strikes and you're out!

Friends, the reason that I tell this sad tale is that I don't want to see anyone have damage inflicted on them by the devil too. The next time we speak, I will have united with the Burrito Phile again and will have a happy story of delicious burritos to share. Hasta Luego.

EL Taco Veloz Part 2

As part of my master plan, stalking the burritophile, I said to myself "Hey why don't I go to El Taco Veloz?"; What better day to do it than on the epicenter of all burrito eating holidays, Cinco De Mayo.

Twenty minutes later, I was rolling with a small entourage in my Impala destined for the bright lights of El Taco Veloz. Immediately, upon entering, I knew the burrito phile had found a winner the previous night.

The charm of El Taco Veloz is hidden at first, but it catches you, and when it catches you, it catches you hard. I am unsure at exactly what moment I fell in love with this place. It might have been the latin-polish music that comes out of the jukebox unsolicited about every twenty minutes, or the beautiful black garments worn so gracefully by the waitstaff, but no matter what it was, I was in, hook line and sinker.

To add to the enchantment of the eventing, a long time friend and his girlfriend who "just happened" to be at El Taco Veloz joined us (guess I'm not the only one stalking the burrito phile). We were seated and had great conversation until all of a sudden it happened, a burrito day micacle, the burrito phile himself joined us. I don't know where he came from or what happened, but the rest was magic. With Salsa dripping down my chin, I was able to mutter the words "Hello burrito phile"

Lucky for me, the service was not too rapid, and I was really able to spend some time to absorb the delight of this burrito day miracle. In the end, the burrito was above average, about an 8.5, but the experience and evening was a 15!

El Taco Veloz

Friends,
Last night I ventured into the Ukranian Village neighborhood in Chicago and partook in a Ukranian burrito at a place called El Taco Veloz. You might be asking yourself "Why are Ukranians making burritos?" to which I reply "I don't know but I hope they don't stop." This was a very tasty burrito indeed.

My visit began when a lovely Ukranian waitress named Consuela sat me down and took my order. I've never met a Ukranian person before and didn't realize they shared so many characteristics with Mexican people. They even sound the same. Anyway, I ordered a burrito "al pastor" which, as I've mentioned before, is the name of a Chicago alderman from days gone by.

The burrito came out piping hot and filled with pork, cheese, lettuce, tomato, beans, and onions. I wasn't a huge fan of the onions as they were kind of slimy (I'd have preferred fresh) but it didn't detract all that much from the rest of the experience. The meat was perfectly seasoned and came in large chunks as opposed to the stringy shredded type of meat you get at some burrito houses. I devoured my burrito in quick order....even forgetting to put the hot salsa on it that I had used with my chips. Silly me! All in all I give this burrito an 8.5.

Till next time....

Hola Y'all!

Hello from the great big state of Texas! It is that time of year again - Burrito Appreciation Month! I don't like fanfare much so I will stop with the pleasantries and get right into the business of talking about burritos and burrito related events.......

I was in Texas today and decided to stop by the Dallas Fort Worth Airport to see if I could get a burrito. For some reason, they don't allow people to just pass through security to eat in the food court. You must have a plane ticket in order to eat in the food court. Since I did not have a plane ticket, I was forced to buy one in order to eat. Anyone ever been to Witchita Falls? I hope it's nice.

I found a burrito place called Pappasito's. Some of you may not know this but "burrito" means "little donkey" in English. Also "Judge Ito" means "little Japanese man" in English. So it stands to reason that Pappasito means something like "little Pappas". Maybe former Cub pitcher Milt Pappas' son owns the restaurant? If so, Milt Jr would be interested in my review.

I ate a burrito with chicken and pico de gallo and cheese and black beans and avocado. I can't remember the name of my burrito but it wasn't Tampico that I know for certain. This burrito was just OK.. The tortilla was very tasty and flaky but the innards of the burrito were just so so. A good tortilla can only take you so far you need the innards to complete the effect. Plus the burrito was small for the price. They should have called it a burritoito which means "little burrito" in English. Also, they did not have hot sauce at this restaurant - only mild. This was mildly disappointing. My colon, Ted, was ready and willing to partake in pleasures of the jalapeno. I hope he is as willing to help out this week as he was today. I have many burrito adventures planned!

Until next time....

Only Ten Days Until Burrito Appreciation Month

I can hardly wait. Ted has been doing special exercises and is ready to go. We also attended couples therapy to get past some of our disagreements. I look forward to a terrific month of burrito eating!

One month to go!

I look forward to blogging about burritos with you all. Only one more month to go. Ted has promised to behave himself but he is quite the scoundrel. We shall see...