The Royal and The Presidential

I think that adding additional time to Burrito Appreciation Month, per the rules of soccer, may have been one of my most genius moves ever. If there is anything that Americans can learn from the dreadful sport of soccer, let it be this. With my additional time I did well and went to El Presidente (2558 N. Ashland, West Lakeview) and El Nuevo Leon (1515 W. 18th Street, Pilsen).

As a warm-up before the Melvins show at the Double door last week, had dinner at El Presidente. Unless you are fluent in Spanish, you may not know this, but El Presidente is actually Spanish for ‘the president’. Upon further review, I am not so sure what was so presidential about this place. I did not see Obama there, though admittedly he is a south-sider and a very busy man these days. The former US presidents, still living, were not there either. No George W, but based on the fact that he is a f*ckin’ idiot, I am also assuming that he is anti-burrito. I did not see my political hero Bill Clinton either. Slick Willy enjoys himself a good burrito, but may not have been informed that burritos are not bad for you, even if you’ve had extensive by-pass work done. Jimmy Carter, well he better start explaining himself. Nobel Peace Prize Winners are supposed to be pro-burrito. Sadly too, none of the living Mexican premiers past (Echeverría , de la Madrid , Salinas , Zedillo , Fox) or present (Calderón ) were there, but I am guessing that after reading my blog, they will flock to El Presidente so that the restaurant can live up to its name.

At El Presidente, I had a Carne Asada Burrito. They do their burritos in a manner that I call plate style. You are provided a thin tortilla that wraps meat, and then all of the toppings are on the plate. It appeared to me that Carne Asada was their featured meat (since they charged $.50 more for it) so I got a thinly wrapped Carne Asada Burrito with a plate that included rice, beans, guac, sour cream, lettuce tomatoes, and onion. Bite by bite, I would eat my burrito, placing the toppings on a fork to spread on the end of the burrito I was about to eat. I think this plate was delicious and really enjoyed the experience. Furthermore, El Presidente is open 24-7-365, so when Calderon or his predecessors arrive, they can rest assured that it will be open and a burrito will be ready for them.

After running a half marathon in sweltering heat last weekend, I went to El Nuevo Leon for a late lunch. I do realize in many instances that eating a burrito after running a race may represent an in-balance of the inner Yin and Yang that would equate to all out internal warfare, but this is not the case if the burrito comes from El Nuevo Leon, because it’s that good. Those with a basic understanding of Spanglish would know that El Nuevo Leon is Spanish for ‘the new lion’, and since the lion is the king of the jungle, this is literally the new king. I sincerely hope the regicidal acts are against the law in Chicago, because this ‘new king’ needs to live to see a ripe old age.

I feel bad even rating this place with burrito joints that are on this web site. El Nuevo Leon is clearly in a class of its own. Upon arriving, you are greeted with a delicious little appetizer, gratis. This time, it was a plate with a tortilla and some grilled meat and beans to make you own little taco. In the past it has been a soup with a chicken wing or some other creative little starter. Along with the starter, you are provided a basket of chips, two salsas, and a collection of peppers. It gets even better when the entre comes. A third (warmed salsa) comes to the table to accompany your meal. The burrito was out of this world. The choices are limited to chicken or Steak, so I went with steak. This stake burrito had chihuahua cheese, guac, lettuce tomatoes,refried beans, and sour cream. This was probably the best thing I have ever tasted. How much would you expect to pay for all of this? $100…wrong…$25….wrong…$10….wrong! Six dollars! Only six dollars!

With this I bid you adieu in 2011, and can’t wait to be back in 2012. See you all soon! Bueno ano tenemos!

PS – the essay contest was not a joke. Please submit essays to theivesiest@yahoo.com. Winner gets a burrito lunch on me, and maybe the Burritophile will even make an appearance!

Until Next Time…

Burrito Appreciation Month Extended - *#! Essay Contest -!#!

I am not a soccer fan, but I do realize that in the sport that they have something at the end of the game called “Additional Time”. Additional time in soccer is stoppage time that delayed the game. This time is added on to the 90 minute regulation time. After the 90 minutes regulation the referee decides how much time to add. I like this concept and believe that it should apply to Burrito Appreciation Month. By my calculations, there were five days where due to travel and locale, I was delayed from or not able to get a burrito. With this said, BURRITO APPRECIATION MONTH IS BEING EXTENDED UNTIL JUNE 5, 2011!

Since we have this extra time, I would like to extend a contest to all of our readers. Burrito Appreciation Month is sponsoring an essay contest titled “Burrito Appreciation Month and what it means to me”. Simply put together an essay with your thoughts and feelings towards Burrito Appreciation Month, and email it to theivesiest@yahoo.com. I will personally judge the essays, and the winner will get a free burrito lunch or dinner with me. Sharpen your pencils and get writing!

Cermitas Puebla – 3619 W. North Avenue (Humboldt Park).

I have found that some of the worst words in the English Language start with the letter “C”. Cancer, Chlamydia, and Cardiac Arrest all start with the letter “c”, as does the c-word itself. I would like to add one more word to that list “CLOSED”.

On this Memorial Day, I believe that this nation owes a great debt of gratitude to the members of our armed services, past and present. These brave souls have risked and many lost their lives to defend our country. They have spent months, and sometimes even years away from family and loved ones in order to keep this nation safe. I think it is wonderful that the country takes a day off to remember, but there are certain facilities and institutions that cannot close to remember our soldiers. Hospitals remain open Memorial Day, so do police and fire stations. I will like to add one more institution that should remain open, Mexican Restaurants. If I was a soldier who fought the war, I would most certainly want to be able to enjoy the most American of all Mexican foods on this fine holiday, the Burrito.

Cermitas Puebla, you may have been closed this time, but I will be coming back sometime when it is not a national holiday. Look forward to my post “When a Puebla becomes a casa” when I finally get there.

Until Next Time…

Artegas cocina - Milwaukee WI

I spent the past weekend standing up in a friend’s wedding in Milwaukee. Overall, this was probably one of the most positive wedding experiences I have ever witnessed; the party was great, the couple is awesome, and I felt honored to be able to participate in this wedding experience. The only detail that was overlooked was that I don’t think they realized that they were holding a wedding during the last weekend of Burrito Appreciation Month. A few years ago I did have friends hold a wedding during Burrito Appreciation Month; however, they held the wedding in Mexico. Although they didn’t write it on their invitations or mention it, they effectively were having a Burrito Destination Wedding (I mean why else would you go to Mexico to get married?).

Not wanting to anger the Burrito Gods, I immediately chose to get a burrito upon my arrival in Milwaukee. Actually, to say I choose may be too strong of a word. Being the burrito junkie that I am, I started to get a strong jones about an hour outside of Burrito Capitol USA (Chicago), and as I was itching and scratching, I asked my friend to drive faster so we could get a burrito. Sadly for me, there is no known medical cure for burrito addiction. I spend a lot of time chasing the dragon of that first time I loaded up on Burritos. At least heroin addicts have methadone, however, medical advances have not brought about a synthetic burrito, and lesser forms of the burrito, like the taquito or the gordita, will not squelch the jones.

Per a Facebook of recommendation from my friend’s mom, I went to Arteagas Cocina in Milwaukee at 1234. S. Cesar E. Chavez Drive (little did she know she was helping to feed the monkey). To start off, let’s talk about the neighborhood. This area of Milwaukee has a strong Chicano influence, and is about the closest thing that you will find to Mexico inside Wisconsin. Being born and raised in Milwaukee, I am appalled that I have never been in this area before. The street was lined with Mexican Restaurants and little shops and stores. It looked like a paradise I would like to spend more time exploring. Once inside the restaurant, the burrito menu was awesome. They have a Burrito Grandismo and a Burrito Gigante, as well as an option for 3 smaller burritos and a Vegetarian Burrito which they actually charge more for than a regular burrito (suck it non-meat eaters).

I decided to order the Burrito Grandismo with Al Pastor. It would be an understatement to say that this thing was awesome! I don’t think that words can describe how perfectly done the al pastor was. All of the other toppings (rice, beans, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream), blended into what I would describe as an orgasm of taste. This burrito is top of my list in Milwaukee, and worth mentioning in the top burritos I have ever had. 9.5 Wow!

Until Next Time…

Dona Naty's

OK - this one will be short & simple. Went to Dona Naty's (1815 W. Chicago - Ukrainian Village) on Saturday and had an Al Pastor Burrito and Nachos. I would rate the dining experience as lackluster at best. The Al Pastor Burrito burrito was flavorless and in general not very good. The nachos were a concoction that my buddies 4-year old could have done a better job with Kraft and a microwave.

I hate to pan a place that is as well respected as Dona Naty's is in the burrito world, so I will just state the facts. Around 7:30 PM on Saturday May 21, their nachos and Al Pastor burritos were not very good. With Tecalitlan and El Taco Veloz so tasty and close, I can not see going back to Dona Naty's anytime soon.

Hopefully next time I can lighten your day with Burrito Bliss...

Lord of the Burritos – Burrito Trilogy #2 – Taqueria Cuauhtemoc, Garcias, & Burrito House

Preface – This trilogy is very different than the last, where good things were found at unexpected times and places. In this story, we are going into the all-stars, the heavy hitters, and expecting results. We are tri-winning here! There is no fooling around, no jokes, no clever wit, just burritos, burritos, and taste. This trilogy will take place in acts, and will go from most recent to least.

Act 3 – Taqueria Cuauhtemoc, 2504 S. Kedzie, Little Village – Sunday May 15

Last week I asked a cab driver what he thought was the best burrito joint in Chicago. He directed me to me to Mi Tierra in the Little Village. When I got there it was bright pastel and looked exactly like the Mi Tierra on Belmont in Lakeview. With the said, I knew I need something with a little different feel, so I went a few doors north the Taqueria Cuauhtemoc.

Upon walking in, I know I was in an honest to god taqueria. It was mid-afternoon, and there were a few older men sitting at the counter enjoying tacos and having either a soda or a beer. Spanish was the only language being spoken here. When the lady from the counter asked me for my order, I requested “un burrito carnitas por favor”. In perfect English she answered “you want a carnitas burrito?”, and upon arrival the man sitting next to me who was having much more reasonably portioned tacos said “you are more of a man than me”.

The carnitas burrito I had was one of the freshest tasting burritos ever. The carnitas themselves were unbelievably juicy and delicious. The burrito was topped with cheese, refried beans, lettuce, tomatoes, cilantro, and sour cream. As a whole, this burrito simply rocked, I’ve never had anything like it. Delicious, juicy, and surprisingly light on the stomach. This was easily the best deal I have ever had for $5. It is experiences like this that make the sometimes glutinous exercise of blogging burritos worth while. I recommend the next time that you have a Sunday afternoon free, you head down to the Little Village and go here or one of the many other wonderful hole in the wall taquerias in the neighborhood.

Act 2 - Garcias , 4749 N Western, Lincoln Square – Saturday May 14

Many people have told me they believe this to be the best burrito place in Chicago. Sadly for me, despite all of the burritos I’ve had over all the years, I had never been, so I figured it was time to go, and I didn’t already have any dinner plans for Saturday night.

Apparently, this restaurant had a major facelift a little over a year ago. What was once a true burrito shack is now a very nice, if not upscale looking, restaurant. Apparently, they had also expanded and it had a pretty large footprint, complete with plasma TV’s. Despite the very modern look, I still feel this place had authenticy, it had just added versatility.

I ordered an al pastor y chorizo burrito suizo. This thing was massive. I often wonder what any of the power eaters would look like trying to finish this because I wasn’t even close. In fact, neither of my friends I was with finished their burritos either. Portion control was most definitely an issue; I’d recommend splitting a burrito. Overall, I though it had a really good taste, but the sodium on the chorizo was a bit overdone. I think that sodium on the burrito porks can be a delicate issue. By nature, they are already so sodium rich; that the less is more policy doctrine should be incorporated.

I really did enjoy this restaurant and the experience I had. I went in, though, with expectations way higher than they should have been. I think that this is a lovely burrito place, but by no means the best in Chicago.

Act 1 – Burrito House, 3547 N. Lincoln, North Center – Friday May 13

After catching “This Must be the Band” the Talking Heads cover band at Martyr’s, I popped south a few blocks with my buddy to the Burrito House. It is no secret that I think this is the best burrito place on Chicago’s north side east of the expressway. Last year when I wrote about it, my review simply said “go there 10 out of 10”. I have never had a less than awesome experience here, and this time was no exception.

I had the chorizo y al pastor burrito (are you catching a pattern). There is something about their meat and the way they toast their shells that is completely unlike any other place. The only style points I had to add this time is that I ordered a cup of nacho cheese and as I ate my burrito, I would pour nacho cheese on it. I really don’t think life gets any better than this. My only complaint about this place is that the pork is so good, that I have no idea what the chicken or steak taste like. Once again, do yourself a favor, set down your computer and F*uckin go there! Wow!

Until next time (or the time after if you choose to skip reading one of our blogs)…..

Andy Gehl

Fart of Darkness

Friends,
In posts gone by, I have regaled you with tales of my colon, Ted. He's a rascally little guy full of mischief and deceit. He sometimes takes umbrage to my burrito eating ways. His revenge is not immediate, however. Ted is much too maniacal to act on impulse. He will wait...sometimes for hours or days on end before having his vengeance.

Today was that day....

Rewind to yesterday. I chose to partake in a burrito from Allende. It's located on Lincoln and Fullerton near the DePaul campus. I had heard good things about Allende from the co-eds I try to woo back to my tastefully decorated condo. They all gave glowing reviews. Personally, I found the burrito sort of average. It wasn't bad by any means, but it wasn't great either. Sort of bland. Allende gets points for having tasty hot sauce though (even though it really wasn't all that hot). All in all I have to give this burrito joint a 6. Those co-eds have under-evolved taste buds apparently.

Allende is located on the southern end of Chicago's "burrito district". A completely made up area roughly bordered by Fullerton on the south, Diversey on the north, Lincoln on the west, and Halsted on the east. Entering the burrito district is not for the faint of heart. It's for brave souls willing to engage in a little danger. Not unlike the Captain Willard character in Apocalypse Now. Ted doesn't like it when I enter the burrito district. He knows bad things reside there. Ted is very much like Captain Willard. And today, I was very much like Colonel Kurtz.

I was riding the bus this morning from my tastefully decorated condo to my meditation lab in downtown Chicago. As is my custom, I sit next to a pretty girl even if there are other seats available. This has never worked for me but I figure all I need is for it to work once.....or twice. At one of the early stops, another girl got on and sat on the other side of me! This has never happened to me before. I began rehearsing my opening lines hopeful for a three way (you never know unless you ask, right?). And just as I was about to open my mouth, Ted appeared.

At first I thought it was just the bus going over a bump in the road. I shook it off and tried to speak again, but this time Ted roared more loudly. I began to sweat. I sat back in my seat and tried to breath. He roared again, more loudly this time. No one heard but me but I knew what was coming. The end was near. My mind began to race. I began to recite T.S. Eliot. "..shape without form. Shape without color." I was going mad.

I began to talk to Ted: "Are you a silent assassin, Ted?" He did not respond. I grew agitated, angry. I lashed out at him, "You're an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill." He rumbled loudly at this point. I knew my time had come.

I pushed my butt as far down into my seat as it would go. I considered standing but that would only put my rear at nose level. I considered a prayer but before I could decide on an appropriate religious incantation, Ted struck. He was indeed a silent assassin. I sat frozen with fear as the gas seeped from my body. I hoped it would not smell but that hope was quickly proven false. The smell was horrific. It not only cleared out the two girls seated next to me, but the entire back of the bus. Even the Turkish guy who probably never showers was offended. I sat alone wallowing in my own stink. The day was Ted's. He destroyed my very soul.

The horror.


The horror.


The horror.


Just wait until this weekend, Ted. I'm eating Ethiopian food you son of a bitch.