Farewell Burrito Appreciation Month 2012

So, I’ve gotten behind on my posts over the last few weeks.  Here within lies the problem, I’m a doer, not an observer…

Let’s think about this.  Does Aaron Rodgers have a blog where he tells you what an awesome quarterback he is?  No, that is the job of the sportswriters of America. Likewise, Michael Jordan never had to blog about what a great basketball player he was, there were writers to do this for him.  In a perfect world, I shouldn’t be responsible for blogging about what an awesome, MVP caliber burrito appreciator I am.  Sadly for me, the Burrito Writers of America have been on strike since 1972, and there is no end to this strike in site (did you ever wonder why this is the only burrito site you have ever read?).  Some old school writers are still able to write about local taco and gordita issues, but the burrito writers, due to union restrictions, have been banished.  If we had a reporter from Burrito Monthly following the BP and me around 24-7, can you imagine what a great site this would be?  Wow, now that would be something worth reading about! 

I could take this opportunity to blog about all of the awesome burritos that I had to end the month, however, I would rather take this opportunity to look forward.  Below is a short list of places I want to check out in anticipation of the 2013 Burrito Season:

Birria Huentitan

4019 W. North Ave.

http://chicago.metromix.com/venues/mmxchi-birria-huentitan-venue

DeColores

1626 S. Halstead

http://www.decolor.us/

La Casa de Samuel

2834 W. Cermak

http://www.lacasadesamuel.com/

La Lagartija

132 South Ashland

http://lalagartijataqueria.com/

Sadly, unlike 2011, extra time will not be granted to Burrito Appreciation Month.  With Burrito Appreciation Month almost a fortnight past, its time has gone this year.  The lady at the door has long since beckoned, and it is time to grab my coat and get out of here.  I will say this, though, wow, what a month!

For the first time ever, I had a Cinco abstinence party.  I dined with super king burritos, and was introduced to magical doors.  I studied the history of Irish Burritos and explored the important issue of when a crepe becomes a burrito.  I even was a creator, delivering us the Tommy’s Taco Style Burrito. 

I don’t know if the Burritophile will live to see another burrito appreciation month, man is he in rough shape.  He was so busy inhaling burritos and enjoying them that I don’t think he and his colon Ted will ever make amends.   Other body systems, including his blood vessels and lungs, are so full of burritos that they are starting to fail.  We can only pray that the sun rises for him in 2013; another rigorous off-season training session will most definitely be required from him.

I figured that I would end 2012 Burrito Season like this so the ending of Sopranos, Lost, or whatever show you watch with a bad ending would seem less lame.  Onward to 2013 and catch you on the flip side!

McBob'c Irish Tacos

At about noon on Saturday, the hunger monkey leaped on my back and I was a famished little critter.  I decided to go to McBob’s at 49^th and North Avenue in Milwaukee to squelch my hunger with an Irish Taco.

The Irish Taco has an uncanny resemblance to a burrito.  If I didn’t know better, I would think that Mr. McBob, whoever he may be, was trying to simply sell a burrito under the Irish Taco name.  The Irish Taco is a wrapped, oversized flour tortilla shell that is filled with ground beef, cheese, salsa, sour cream, and jalapenos.  All of this can be procured for a mere $4.50 and enjoyed in McBob’s refreshingly low lit and establishment.  Inside all sunshine is blocked out, and you can enjoy your food in peace while being kept company by Christmas lights, locals bellied up to the bar, and extreme sports on the television.

The taco has a rich and deep history in Ireland.  Many of the reasons for Ireland’s revolution from England are cuisine based.  English food at best is incredibly bland.  There are only so many days in a row where you can eat soggy fish and chips washed down with room temperature beer before you would be ready to take up arms and start a revolution.  The King limited the Irish’s menu choices, and the Irish Taco was invented as a middle finger in the face to the King’s Royal Chef.  During the great potato famine, the Irish Taco morphed to an obnoxiously oversized burrito like fare so it could literally sustain and man for weeks on end.  I have to imagine that our own American revolution was also based on food and drink.  Our founding fathers dumped tea into Boston Harbor so we could become a sovergn nation free to invent much tastier beverages, like Coca-Cola, Caprisun, and Red Bull.

This piece of Irish history is not well known, and sadly McBob is a dying breed that still celebrates the Irish Taco.  If you don’t have a burrito joint nearby, you should go to McBob’s and have yourself an Irish Taco.  You won’t regret it.

The Magic Window

The Magic Door was a fictional piece by Arthur Conan Doyle that was received with mixed review by critics and enthusiasts alike.  While I’ll admit that I have never once witnessed a Magic Door, I may have just found a Magic Window.  It is named Mr. Senors and it is located at the corner of Murray and Thomas* on Milwaukee’s Eastside.

What is so magical about this window is that it takes your money and converts it into burritos.  I know, what a great trick, you need to try it out!  I bet even David Copperfield couldn’t do magic this delicious.  It’s like I walked up to this window with $10 and pow, I walked away with a burrito.  There need to be more windows like this in the world.  I am trying to train my own kitchen window to do this, but as a now there are just a bunch of $10 bills sitting on my window pane.  Maybe I need to call my landlord and complain.

Honestly, it is difficult for me to rate this burrito because I don’t remember eating it.  I didn’t get sick and there were no reports of me hurling it against the wall.  I guess it would probably rate somewhere between 4 and infinity.

 Until next time….

*Most awesome things in the world are associated with the name Thomas 

The Chen and Homeade Burritos

I woke up yesterday morning frazzled by an early morning message I received by a man simply known as ‘The Chen*’.  The message was cryptic, much like a ransom letter.  In the subject line it simply said ‘homemade burritos’.  When I opened the message, it had a picture attached of what appeared to be his brother-in-law** being held hostage by a burrito.

The Chen is an established long-standing veteran of Mexican Cuisine.  Growing up in central Mexico, he has been termed the ‘King of the Skirt Stake’.  He is known all throughout Mexico, as well as in New Orleans and on the Westside of Milwaukee.  He is a man of legendary proportion, and his exploits, too wild to mention on this site, are tales that will be told for generations to come.  The Chen, though, being so crafty with the skirt stake, does not always view the burrito in such a positive light.  For him, it is an oversized American bastardization of his wonderful native food. It lacks in taste to what he can do in his own backyard or a nearby local park with a charcoal grill.  Sadly for all of those who promote burrito appreciation, 99 times out of 100 he is correct.

Not knowing what the Chen was up to or where he may be lurching, I decided it would be wise to lay low.  This proved to be a problem, though, because I had the jones for a burrito.  I decided that maybe I could be inspired by the Chen’s subject line of a ‘homemade burrito’.  Not feeling safe leaving my property, I decided I would have to make due with what I had on hand.  I had some ocean perch thawed out.  Maybe I could season this up and place it on the grill.  In the crisper, I had some cilantro, green onions, and guac…hymmm…these could be some tasty toppings.  Finally, in the bread drawer, I had some mini burrito flour shells (some may call these soft taco shells).  For the final topper I had some salsa con queso.  Put these all together and pow, we have a new invention, the Tommy Style Taco Fish Burrito!

Being my first burrito creation, I thought this was wonderful.  I can be a tough critic on myself, though.  Most things that I do I merely rate on a scale of ‘pretty awesome’ to ‘ best thing in the world times a million’.  I will be objective on this one though.  I give myself a 45 out of 10.  If I ever had mobility to plan this out with more than what I happened to have on hand , chances are the rating will go up in spades.

I’ll keep you updated on the situation with the Chen.  I hope that his brother-in-law’s situation ends peacefully and we can all have skirt stakes in peace again.

* Notice the craftiness of the name ‘the Chen’.  Many times as Americans, we try to give a name a Latin flare by naming something el ___, instead of the ____ (i.e. el Nino).  It looks like the Chen has turned the tables on us by calling himself ‘the Chen’ instead of el Chen or simply Chen.

**The man pictured is married to ‘The Chen’s’ wife’s sister.  I am no expert on genology or family relationships, and I have no idea if this makes them brother-in-laws of some other arrangement.  For the sake of this article, we will just refer to him as a brother-in-law.

Mercadito Tiene no Burrito

Last week I went for a “bro date” with a couple of college buddies at Mercadito.  Mercadito is located at 108 W. Kinzie Street in Chicago’s River North Neighborhood.  Like many things in River North, this place is a bit trendy and overpriced.  It was so chic that it didn’t even have a sign outside indicating the restaurant’s name.  Despite these detractors, this restaurant did have a nice atmosphere and good Mexican food.  If you are looking for a nice place to impress, possibly for a suitor or business client, this is a perfectly good place to go.  If you are looking to have a burrito, this place sucks.

The thing that sucked the most about the burritos here was the fact that they didn’t have any.  If you are going to get a good rating on a burrito blog, it’s simple, you have to serve burritos.  The tacos were delicious (and they should be given that a plate of tacos, guac sampler, and 2 margies were $70), but the fact that they didn’t serve burritos hurt.  I realized ahead of time that there were no burritos on the menu, but for an old burrito pro like me, I figured with a little wink and a nod, they would make me a tasty burrito.  I was appalled to learn that they didn’t even own a tortilla large enough to wrap a burrito.

In summary, if you are looking for a nice place, Mercadito would suffice.  If you are looking for a burrito, it will disappoint; mainly because their burritos are non-existent.  If you are really looking to impress in River North, though, I recommend steaks or seafood.

When Does a Crepe Become a Burrito?

Today for lunch I went to the French Market Located in the Oglive Train Station.  Seeing that I was in a French market, I decided to go with a crepe from Flip Crepes.  The Crepe is a thin wheat flour wrapping that is stuffed with delicious ingredients, rolled over, toasted, and served.  In my case, I had a ham crepe that was stuffed with brie cheese, mushrooms, bacon, and spinach.  I really enjoyed my lunch, but about halfway through I had to ask myself “Is this really any different than a ham burrito?”   Was I simply having a ham burrito with a little French flair as there was brie cheese and a modified tortilla?  Is it possible that what the French and Mexican-American invented are about exactly the same?

A few years ago the Burritophile tried to tell me that he believed egg rolls to be nothing more than Chinese Burritos.  At the time, I thought the idea was absurd and I pooh-poohed it.  Looking back, maybe he was right.  Granted, due to the deep frying of the egg roll, it would be more of a Chinese Chimichanga than a burrito per se, but his point is well taken.   Is it possible that there are other equivalents that exist right now?  Is the sushi roll nothing more than a Japanese burrito?  How about pizza rolls?  The list could go on and on.  Is it even possible that a cigarette is nothing more than a tobacco burrito?

It seems that every culture has its own version of the burrito.  I believe the only question we have to ask ourselves now is “why are things so damn tasty when they are stuffed into a rolled wrapping?”

La Cuidad

Today I spent Mothers Day the way I always dreamed of since I was a little boy.  I had a burrito with the mother of all burritos, the Burritophile, at La Cuidad.

La Cuidad is Spanish for the city.  I think this place could have been an entire country.  Honestly, I have no idea what I meant by that last comment, but clearly it was meant to mean that the burrito was really, really awesome.  I had an Al Pastor Burrito Squizo…wow!  BBQ pork burrito smothered in melted cheese, it was a little taste of heaven.  My only complaint about the food was that they used a sweet pineapple-ish fruit in the burrito.  I don’t like the mix of sweet and savory.  In fact, I have a little saying, ‘savory before sweet, you have a treat; sweet before savory, not always so flavory'.

La Cuidad is located in a strip mall* at 4515 N Sheridan in the Uptown neighborhood.   It is conveniently located next to a coin laundry and a pawn shop.  This is critical because if you are ever short on burrito cash, you can just hock something next door for some flavor bucks.  The coin laundry comes into play when you get some burrito mess on your shirt.  You can just enjoy your desert ‘shirts off’ while your clothes are next door being cleaned.

Despite the overall greatness of this place I did notice a few things that they could improve on.  First of all, the background music was horrid.  Last time I looked, the Backstreet Boys and Justin Timberlake were not typical Mexican serenade.  Secondly, it was BYOB.  Burritos are best enjoyed with Margaritas, but it isn’t often that I just happen to be rolling with a pitcher of margies in my car.  Honestly, for once I just wanted someone to make me a god d*mn drink.  Finally, this place was far too nice and bright for the surrounding neighborhood.  I really enjoy my uptown burritos in a dark and dirty dump.  Who could enjoy a burrito in a place that could be described as cute?

Despite the detractors, they were nothing compared to the awesomeness of the burrito.  They even gave us complimentary chocolate covered strawberries for desert (savory before sweet).  Post haste and have yourself a burrito at La Cuidad!

*At first I misunderstood the Burritophile this morning and thought we were headed to a strip club for burritos.  I was both intrigued and disgusted.  As a rule, I avoid food at gentlemen’s establishments, but being Mothers day and all, I was willing to make an exception.