New Burrito Delivery System

From the geniuses at Darwin Aerospace, we share with you THE BURRITO BOMBER. "The World's First Airborne Mexican Food Delivery System". If only more young people were willing to pursue careers in the science of burrito delivery, we could once more set this country on a path to global supremacy.

Bucks for Burritos '13

‘Fear the Deer’ was the chant of the 2009-2010 Milwaukee Bucks who won 46 games and took the Atlanta Hawks to a tightly contested game 7 in the NBA Playoffs.  Three years later, after the 2012-2013 season,  no one fears these deer, and they have found themselves as 76:1 underdogs in Vegas to beat the all-powerful Miami Heat in the first round of the 2013 NBA playoffs.  Personally, I love a challenge and I love an underdog.  In response, I have tracked down my bookie and placed a burrito bet on the Bucks.  Most people familiar with Vegas wonder how this is possible, but trust me, when you are in the burrito biz, anything is possible.

So here is how it goes, the Bucks win, I get 76 burritos.  The bucks loose, I forfeit 1 burrito. 

Here is where you come in…I need all of the followers in Burrito Land to cheer hard for the Bucks!  If I win, we all win, and burritos for all!  If you are able to do something even more than cheer (I’m thinking Tonya Harding style on LeBron James) that would be greatly appreciated too.  Instead of ‘Fear the Deer’ let’s think ‘Bucks for Burritos’ in ’13.

P.S.  You may have noticed that the Burritophile and I haven’t had much April traffic on the site posting about warms-up, practice and such.  Much like the NBA game, we have graduated to the pro level and don’t practice anymore.  As a result, we are saving it up for ‘game time’ which starts next Wednesday May 1.  It about time for all of us to get our game faces on and go!

The Burrito Theme Song

If you are in Mountain View, CA you should visit this restaurant simply because of the wonderful music they have on their website:

Awesome Burrito Music

Farewell Burrito Appreciation Month 2012

So, I’ve gotten behind on my posts over the last few weeks.  Here within lies the problem, I’m a doer, not an observer…

Let’s think about this.  Does Aaron Rodgers have a blog where he tells you what an awesome quarterback he is?  No, that is the job of the sportswriters of America. Likewise, Michael Jordan never had to blog about what a great basketball player he was, there were writers to do this for him.  In a perfect world, I shouldn’t be responsible for blogging about what an awesome, MVP caliber burrito appreciator I am.  Sadly for me, the Burrito Writers of America have been on strike since 1972, and there is no end to this strike in site (did you ever wonder why this is the only burrito site you have ever read?).  Some old school writers are still able to write about local taco and gordita issues, but the burrito writers, due to union restrictions, have been banished.  If we had a reporter from Burrito Monthly following the BP and me around 24-7, can you imagine what a great site this would be?  Wow, now that would be something worth reading about! 

I could take this opportunity to blog about all of the awesome burritos that I had to end the month, however, I would rather take this opportunity to look forward.  Below is a short list of places I want to check out in anticipation of the 2013 Burrito Season:

Birria Huentitan

4019 W. North Ave.

http://chicago.metromix.com/venues/mmxchi-birria-huentitan-venue

DeColores

1626 S. Halstead

http://www.decolor.us/

La Casa de Samuel

2834 W. Cermak

http://www.lacasadesamuel.com/

La Lagartija

132 South Ashland

http://lalagartijataqueria.com/

Sadly, unlike 2011, extra time will not be granted to Burrito Appreciation Month.  With Burrito Appreciation Month almost a fortnight past, its time has gone this year.  The lady at the door has long since beckoned, and it is time to grab my coat and get out of here.  I will say this, though, wow, what a month!

For the first time ever, I had a Cinco abstinence party.  I dined with super king burritos, and was introduced to magical doors.  I studied the history of Irish Burritos and explored the important issue of when a crepe becomes a burrito.  I even was a creator, delivering us the Tommy’s Taco Style Burrito. 

I don’t know if the Burritophile will live to see another burrito appreciation month, man is he in rough shape.  He was so busy inhaling burritos and enjoying them that I don’t think he and his colon Ted will ever make amends.   Other body systems, including his blood vessels and lungs, are so full of burritos that they are starting to fail.  We can only pray that the sun rises for him in 2013; another rigorous off-season training session will most definitely be required from him.

I figured that I would end 2012 Burrito Season like this so the ending of Sopranos, Lost, or whatever show you watch with a bad ending would seem less lame.  Onward to 2013 and catch you on the flip side!

McBob'c Irish Tacos

At about noon on Saturday, the hunger monkey leaped on my back and I was a famished little critter.  I decided to go to McBob’s at 49^th and North Avenue in Milwaukee to squelch my hunger with an Irish Taco.

The Irish Taco has an uncanny resemblance to a burrito.  If I didn’t know better, I would think that Mr. McBob, whoever he may be, was trying to simply sell a burrito under the Irish Taco name.  The Irish Taco is a wrapped, oversized flour tortilla shell that is filled with ground beef, cheese, salsa, sour cream, and jalapenos.  All of this can be procured for a mere $4.50 and enjoyed in McBob’s refreshingly low lit and establishment.  Inside all sunshine is blocked out, and you can enjoy your food in peace while being kept company by Christmas lights, locals bellied up to the bar, and extreme sports on the television.

The taco has a rich and deep history in Ireland.  Many of the reasons for Ireland’s revolution from England are cuisine based.  English food at best is incredibly bland.  There are only so many days in a row where you can eat soggy fish and chips washed down with room temperature beer before you would be ready to take up arms and start a revolution.  The King limited the Irish’s menu choices, and the Irish Taco was invented as a middle finger in the face to the King’s Royal Chef.  During the great potato famine, the Irish Taco morphed to an obnoxiously oversized burrito like fare so it could literally sustain and man for weeks on end.  I have to imagine that our own American revolution was also based on food and drink.  Our founding fathers dumped tea into Boston Harbor so we could become a sovergn nation free to invent much tastier beverages, like Coca-Cola, Caprisun, and Red Bull.

This piece of Irish history is not well known, and sadly McBob is a dying breed that still celebrates the Irish Taco.  If you don’t have a burrito joint nearby, you should go to McBob’s and have yourself an Irish Taco.  You won’t regret it.

The Magic Window

The Magic Door was a fictional piece by Arthur Conan Doyle that was received with mixed review by critics and enthusiasts alike.  While I’ll admit that I have never once witnessed a Magic Door, I may have just found a Magic Window.  It is named Mr. Senors and it is located at the corner of Murray and Thomas* on Milwaukee’s Eastside.

What is so magical about this window is that it takes your money and converts it into burritos.  I know, what a great trick, you need to try it out!  I bet even David Copperfield couldn’t do magic this delicious.  It’s like I walked up to this window with $10 and pow, I walked away with a burrito.  There need to be more windows like this in the world.  I am trying to train my own kitchen window to do this, but as a now there are just a bunch of $10 bills sitting on my window pane.  Maybe I need to call my landlord and complain.

Honestly, it is difficult for me to rate this burrito because I don’t remember eating it.  I didn’t get sick and there were no reports of me hurling it against the wall.  I guess it would probably rate somewhere between 4 and infinity.

 Until next time….

*Most awesome things in the world are associated with the name Thomas 

The Chen and Homeade Burritos

I woke up yesterday morning frazzled by an early morning message I received by a man simply known as ‘The Chen*’.  The message was cryptic, much like a ransom letter.  In the subject line it simply said ‘homemade burritos’.  When I opened the message, it had a picture attached of what appeared to be his brother-in-law** being held hostage by a burrito.

The Chen is an established long-standing veteran of Mexican Cuisine.  Growing up in central Mexico, he has been termed the ‘King of the Skirt Stake’.  He is known all throughout Mexico, as well as in New Orleans and on the Westside of Milwaukee.  He is a man of legendary proportion, and his exploits, too wild to mention on this site, are tales that will be told for generations to come.  The Chen, though, being so crafty with the skirt stake, does not always view the burrito in such a positive light.  For him, it is an oversized American bastardization of his wonderful native food. It lacks in taste to what he can do in his own backyard or a nearby local park with a charcoal grill.  Sadly for all of those who promote burrito appreciation, 99 times out of 100 he is correct.

Not knowing what the Chen was up to or where he may be lurching, I decided it would be wise to lay low.  This proved to be a problem, though, because I had the jones for a burrito.  I decided that maybe I could be inspired by the Chen’s subject line of a ‘homemade burrito’.  Not feeling safe leaving my property, I decided I would have to make due with what I had on hand.  I had some ocean perch thawed out.  Maybe I could season this up and place it on the grill.  In the crisper, I had some cilantro, green onions, and guac…hymmm…these could be some tasty toppings.  Finally, in the bread drawer, I had some mini burrito flour shells (some may call these soft taco shells).  For the final topper I had some salsa con queso.  Put these all together and pow, we have a new invention, the Tommy Style Taco Fish Burrito!

Being my first burrito creation, I thought this was wonderful.  I can be a tough critic on myself, though.  Most things that I do I merely rate on a scale of ‘pretty awesome’ to ‘ best thing in the world times a million’.  I will be objective on this one though.  I give myself a 45 out of 10.  If I ever had mobility to plan this out with more than what I happened to have on hand , chances are the rating will go up in spades.

I’ll keep you updated on the situation with the Chen.  I hope that his brother-in-law’s situation ends peacefully and we can all have skirt stakes in peace again.

* Notice the craftiness of the name ‘the Chen’.  Many times as Americans, we try to give a name a Latin flare by naming something el ___, instead of the ____ (i.e. el Nino).  It looks like the Chen has turned the tables on us by calling himself ‘the Chen’ instead of el Chen or simply Chen.

**The man pictured is married to ‘The Chen’s’ wife’s sister.  I am no expert on genology or family relationships, and I have no idea if this makes them brother-in-laws of some other arrangement.  For the sake of this article, we will just refer to him as a brother-in-law.