Some fools made up a holiday! What a bunch of ignorant jackwagons! Hahahahahahaha!
Everyone knows that National Margarita Day is actually on May 17th (which is also the day my dog Mayor McPug was born. RIP buddy! I'll never forgive myself for taking you off the leash while changing my tire on the interstate.)
Don't believe me? Here's the imposter website:
National Margarita Day FAKERS
And here's the REAL one:
National Margarita Day FOR REALSIES
It's obvious to anyone with a brain that the real site is much more entertaining and informative. Do not be fooled by imposters!
Also, do not give this kid money. I will eat burritos for free....you can sit and watch me do it.
Until next time...
Burritophile
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Polar Vortex Burrito #2
I was up late trying to link the association between the
recent Polar Vortex and the appreciation of burritos. I had
to ask myself “Do polar bears eat burritos?...No (sadly for them); Can I
purchase a polar bear burrito?...No; Were
burritos discovered at the north pole?...No; Did the early Viking or Eskimo cultures
embrace the burrito…No (once again sad for them)”. After not being able to link the two entities
by any type of word association, I decided I would have to use my engineering
background and knowledge of science and statistics to find the link.
The key to finding
the relationship would be a Venn Diagram.
For those of you who don’t know, A Venn diagram or set diagram is a diagram that shows all possible logical relations between a finite collection of sets. Venn diagrams were conceived around 1880 by John Venn. They are used to teach
elementary set theory, as well as illustrate
simple set relationships in probability, logic, statistics, linguistics and computer science.
In one circle I put “Polar Vortex” and in a second circle I
put “Burrito Appreciation”. Look at
where the circles overlap and wallah, we determine what they have in common.
NOTHING?!?1?!? Wow - I did not figure this would be the answer. This is ironic, though, because you know what you will not enjoy about a burrito at La Cuchara - NOTHING, that's right, there is nothing that you will not enjoy!
La Chuchara is located at 1521 W. Madison Street and there is nothing that isn't great about this burrito. Honestly, order the Arrachera Burrito with grilled skirt steak. There is nothing not to love. There is no way to not enjoy the Chihuahua Cheese. It is not possible not to savor the sour cream. I could not dream of not loving the scrumptious refried beans. It is service with a smile and is is not not possible to not like nothing about this experience, and this isn't not the truth. If you don't believe me, see the Venn Diagram below, they don't lie:
This is the point where I have to apologize to the reader. I didn't actually go to La Chuchara for a burrito, I only looked it up online. I would love to go there, but in light of the recent Polar Vortex, it was just way to frickin' cold to walk over. The pictures looked delicious, menu description wonderful and I am sure that I will get there soon and prove everything that I hypothesized true. Until then, please be sure to tune into future installments regarding the Polar Vortex Burrito.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Polar Vortex Burrito
Marketing is not an exact science; but here is a scientific
fact: If you put “Get Some Burritos” on
your store front, at least 100 times out of 100 I will stop in for a
burrito. Seriously, there have been
studies performed, and I have never once ended up without a burrito. This is why I found myself inside this lovely
establishment after wandering the cold winter streets of Madison Wisconsin on
Tuesday at lunch time.
Get Some Burritos was started 4 months ago next to the
Plaza Bar on Henry Street at the site of the old 4-Star Video. With the inception of Netflix and On-Demand
Programming, the family video store is a dying institute that has become almost
completely obsolete. I have a short-term dream that every out-of-business
video store across America will be transformed into a burrito joint. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful America? Every town would have at least one burrito
joint, and many new burrito joints would be available near some of the hippest areas
of town.
This of course will only be trumped by my long term vision
that there will be a Netflix equivalent for the burrito. Can you imagine, for the small fee of about
$8/month, we could stream burritos out of our TVs and onto our dinner plates. Of
course, with burritos so easily available, this would force all of these new, afore
mentioned burrito joints back out of business, but let’s not get too caught up on
this unintended side effect. The
technology to stream burritos to our living rooms is at least months if not weeks
away!
Now, back to the burrito, I ordered a Badger Burrito. This
is their full Carne Asada Burrito that is then over-stuffed full
with steak fries. The burrito was
wonderful, and very Wisconsin in its essence.
By “Wisconsin in its essence” I mean that it takes a food that is
already wonderful and glutinous, and pushes it over the cliff. This
follows the model of a Cheese Curd, where some Wisconsinite looked at a huge
ball of cheese and did not think it was delicious or unhealthy enough, so they
decided to deep fry it for that extra push over the cliff. I believe this, much like the Badger Burrito,
is a stroke of genius. If you find
yourself on Henry Street in Madison, do not pass this by, go inside and get
yourself a Badger Burrito.
Back to the article title, why was this named Polar Vortex
Burrito? Honestly, I am not sure. If you have any thoughts let me know. Maybe I can include your thoughts when I
write my upcoming piece “Polar Vortex Burrito #2”.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
A Burrito Wedding Cake???
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/08/burrito-cake-photo-video_n_4554481.html?utm_hp_ref=tw
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The cold blast this January has me looking forward to May, and more specifically, for all you folks in LA, there is an automatic burrito vending machine! Post haste, go, go, go!!!
http://tastetheburritobox.com/
http://tastetheburritobox.com/
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
La Cocina
Hello friends!
Today I had the pleasure of eating a burrito from a place called La Cocina. The restaurant is located in downtown Chicago although apparently the owners have restaurants in other locations as well. I cannot vouch for those other locations. I can only vouch for the downtown locale. I can also vouch for a guy named Bob Garfield. He's a stand up guy and a person you should get in touch with if you are interested in term life insurance.
Other people I can vouch for: Ned Torgorson, Alan Ivy, Dick Thompkins, Ritchie "Fizzle Head" Polanski, and Gary Rohrbacher. I can't vouch for any women. I wish I could but I've been scorned so many times that I've become bitter and jaded. Maybe I should just let go of my hang-ups but they are pretty deeply seeded within my persona at this point. I mean it's like I meet a woman, talk to her about burritos for a few minutes, and then when I ask her if she ever wants to get a cup of salsa she claims she has a communicable disease. Either there's a large percentage of the populous walking around with Chikungunya Fever or I'm getting the cold shoulder!
At this point I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I will die alone. That does not depress me at all. I will just use the extra time spent by myself eating and writing about burritos. In this way I give back to society and make the world a better place. Funny how life works out, huh?
As for the burrito at La Cocina, it was tasty. I give it a 7 out of 10.
Until next time,
Burritophile
Today I had the pleasure of eating a burrito from a place called La Cocina. The restaurant is located in downtown Chicago although apparently the owners have restaurants in other locations as well. I cannot vouch for those other locations. I can only vouch for the downtown locale. I can also vouch for a guy named Bob Garfield. He's a stand up guy and a person you should get in touch with if you are interested in term life insurance.
Other people I can vouch for: Ned Torgorson, Alan Ivy, Dick Thompkins, Ritchie "Fizzle Head" Polanski, and Gary Rohrbacher. I can't vouch for any women. I wish I could but I've been scorned so many times that I've become bitter and jaded. Maybe I should just let go of my hang-ups but they are pretty deeply seeded within my persona at this point. I mean it's like I meet a woman, talk to her about burritos for a few minutes, and then when I ask her if she ever wants to get a cup of salsa she claims she has a communicable disease. Either there's a large percentage of the populous walking around with Chikungunya Fever or I'm getting the cold shoulder!
At this point I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I will die alone. That does not depress me at all. I will just use the extra time spent by myself eating and writing about burritos. In this way I give back to society and make the world a better place. Funny how life works out, huh?
As for the burrito at La Cocina, it was tasty. I give it a 7 out of 10.
Until next time,
Burritophile
Friday, May 3, 2013
An Asian, a Mexican, and an Irishman Walk Into a Burrito Joint...
Hello friends,
Welcome to Burrito Appreciation Month! We have a lot of great burritos to eat this month and look forward to sharing our adventures with you. My colon, Ted, and I are on great terms right now. We realized that we need each other in order to thrive as a human and a colon respectively. As such, a tenuous truce has been declared and there is peace within my stomach.....for now.
Yesterday I ate a burrito from Taco Burrito King located at 405 S Wells in Chicago. I've eaten at this location before and for some reason I thought it was a good place to get a burrito but perhaps the events of that day clouded my memory....
Summer of 2012 I walked through stifling heat with two friends - Allen, from Korea, and Miguel, from Mexico - to get a burrito from the Taco Burrito King. Temperatures bordered on 100 degrees which is very hot for those who stay indoors all day. As we made our way through the streets of Chicago, a man approached us and began to regale us with a tale of woe. He needed money to get to St. Louis to visit his son who was dying of a broken heart. When he asked for our group to take pity and donate a gold coin for his journey I said "I haven't a farthing to spare good sir! I myself am a student and poor by nature. I have only enough coins for a burrito and nothing more." The man was not amused by my response. He reached for my arm and touched it sternly on the fore. I recoiled quickly. "Good sir! You may not touch my being!" I screamed. He became quite agitated. "I'll touch your ass whenever I want!" he exclaimed. I could see Allen and Miguel readying themselves for battle or maybe they were readying themselves to curl up in the fetal position I can't be sure which. We moved cautiously down the sidewalk leaving the man behind us in a rage. He followed for a few steps bought thought better of attacking one against three. I'm not sure if the man ever made it to St. Louis or not as we took a different route home.
For some reason, I remembered the burrito of that day being very good. And maybe it was, but I as I said maybe I was still shaken by my encounter with the gentleman on the sidewalk. The burrito I had yesterday was very average. Quite soupy in consistency and not a ton of flavor. A certain level of soupiness is to be expected for a chorizo burrito, but a steak burrito should not have so much goop falling out of the bottom of the tortilla. I give it a four.
Until next time....
Burritophile
Welcome to Burrito Appreciation Month! We have a lot of great burritos to eat this month and look forward to sharing our adventures with you. My colon, Ted, and I are on great terms right now. We realized that we need each other in order to thrive as a human and a colon respectively. As such, a tenuous truce has been declared and there is peace within my stomach.....for now.
Yesterday I ate a burrito from Taco Burrito King located at 405 S Wells in Chicago. I've eaten at this location before and for some reason I thought it was a good place to get a burrito but perhaps the events of that day clouded my memory....
Summer of 2012 I walked through stifling heat with two friends - Allen, from Korea, and Miguel, from Mexico - to get a burrito from the Taco Burrito King. Temperatures bordered on 100 degrees which is very hot for those who stay indoors all day. As we made our way through the streets of Chicago, a man approached us and began to regale us with a tale of woe. He needed money to get to St. Louis to visit his son who was dying of a broken heart. When he asked for our group to take pity and donate a gold coin for his journey I said "I haven't a farthing to spare good sir! I myself am a student and poor by nature. I have only enough coins for a burrito and nothing more." The man was not amused by my response. He reached for my arm and touched it sternly on the fore. I recoiled quickly. "Good sir! You may not touch my being!" I screamed. He became quite agitated. "I'll touch your ass whenever I want!" he exclaimed. I could see Allen and Miguel readying themselves for battle or maybe they were readying themselves to curl up in the fetal position I can't be sure which. We moved cautiously down the sidewalk leaving the man behind us in a rage. He followed for a few steps bought thought better of attacking one against three. I'm not sure if the man ever made it to St. Louis or not as we took a different route home.
For some reason, I remembered the burrito of that day being very good. And maybe it was, but I as I said maybe I was still shaken by my encounter with the gentleman on the sidewalk. The burrito I had yesterday was very average. Quite soupy in consistency and not a ton of flavor. A certain level of soupiness is to be expected for a chorizo burrito, but a steak burrito should not have so much goop falling out of the bottom of the tortilla. I give it a four.
Until next time....
Burritophile
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