Warm-up #4 - El Burrito Mexicano

Friends of burritos,
Well God bless early release for good behavior. I'm out on the streets and ready to stalk....some burritos! As is my custom, whenever I am let out of jail (regardless of which state I happen to be incarcerated) I head back to Chicago and eat a burrito. It's a long standing tradition in my family going all the way back to my great grandfather, Ed Burritophile. He did a three year stretch at San Quentin for murdering a man during a game of backgammon (it was self defense) and upon release he hitchhiked all the way to Chicago and ate a burrito. They were called meat wrapped dough pies in those days of course and were usually purchased out of the back of a flat bed truck. He soon after died of dysentery but not before visiting my great grandmother at her brothel. Anyway, back to present day....

I went to watch the Cubs play the Diamondbacks at Wrigley Field last Wednesday. The Cubs lost. I like it when the Cubs lose because they are anti-burrito. Don't ask me how I know that. Let's just say I have some inside sources that have heard the Ricketts family talk disparagingly about burritos. Can't we all just get along? So after reveling in a Diamondbacks victory I waddled over to a burrito purveyor on Addison right next to the Red Line. El Burrito Mexicano is a nondescript place but they serve one heckuva a burrito. I got mine with steak, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and onion. At least I think that's what I ordered. I was really drunk. One of my other traditions after leaving jail is to get really hammered (another one passed down from Great Grandpa Ed. This probably explains why he ended up with my great grandmother. I've seen pictures. Yikes!) so I may have ordered a taquito for all I know.  But I'm pretty sure I ordered a burrito based on my burps later on that night. Considering the burps were all delicious, the burrito must have been as well. And as all burrito aficionados know, burrito burps are like "legs" on a glass of wine. So based on my burps, I must give this burrito an 8. Perhaps I will go back when sober and see if this is really the case but for now I trust my tummy gas.

Until next time....

Burritophile

Warm-up #3 - Fiesta Mexicana

If practice makes perfect, then I will most certainly be perfect at enjoying Burritos in the month of May. In all honesty, I have no idea how perfection is measured in the field of burrito appreciation. I could probably put together a spreadsheet to calculate it, but this might be a problem for that is way too complex for me, maybe a task for NASSA to undertake. With space funding down, I’m sure that they boys at NASSA will have a little spare time on their hands to put together an Algorithm to quantitively measure the enjoyment of one of our most important natural resources, the burrito. The algorithm, or burritorithm, will be the next thing sweeping the solar system.

For my third warm-up, I went to Fiesta Mexicana (4806 N. Broadway, Uptown). I gotta be honest, this place has a lot of pastel. The pastel décor is a little overwhelming and very distracting. It is a hue of pastel that I do not believe really exists in Mexico. It is almost as if the decorator was asked to decorate the place how he or she thought Mexico might appear, without ever having really been to there. I am a man of substance over appearance, taste over aesthetics, but sometimes an overrunning of the senses occurs. While I was not undergoing a psychedelic blending of the senses where you can hear a taste or see a sound, the sight of pastel did distract from the overall taste and enjoyment of my burrito.

The burrito itself was definitely above average. I felt like I just returned to a venue of major league burritos. In observation of a lent Friday, I ordered a carne asada burrito. Good meat, solid toppings, and they made the burrito as they saw fit, so the customer is not responsible for walking the maker topping by topping through what they would like on their burrito. If I was ordering to go, I could probably give this a 7.5, but due to the decoration of the place, the dine-in experience gets a 6.5. Someday, maybe if they fire the Easter bunny and find a true Mexican decorator, this place can improve.

Until next time…..

Warm Up #2

As I start this post, I should clarify that it has nothing to do with taking a #2, or the "warming" effects that a burrito can have on a #2, but rather is just the second in a series of Warm-ups.

Today I took a departure from my typical burrito shack routine and decided to try a different type of venue. I went to the cafeteria in the basement of the Chase Tower in Chicago (10S. Dearborn, loop) which I later learned is named Plaza Market Bistro.

Plaza Market Bistro is a great place to go when you are with a group of people that can’t decide on what they want. The cafeteria offers a cornucopia of styles and ethnicities of food. Everything is represented, Asian, Mediterranean, Italian, Stir Fry, Traditional American, New York Deli, etc… While variety may be the spice of life for some, I was able to quickly hunker down to the only thing that mattered to me, the Mexican Stand.

It appeared that the burrito choices were some sort of beef, chicken, and chorizo. When in doubt, I always say ‘go pig’, so chorizo it was. The burrito initially comes with chorizo and shredded cheese that is placed on the soft shell and is warmed on a skillet, toasting the shell and melting the cheese. Once properly toasted, there are a variety of toppings available. I went for cilantro, jalapenos, black olives, sour cream, and rojo and verde salsas. Normally, I am a much bigger fan of burrito places that exude confidence and just make the burritos as they will, instead of using what I call the ‘Subway Style’ where you need to point out what toppings you would like. In this instance, however, the ‘Subway Style’ was welcoming because my direction kept lettuce and a very sickly looking sweet pepper off my burrito.

The burrito was light on the stomach and had a nice flavor to it. The Chrizo was well seasoned, but did not have that overpowering, give you heart burn quality that is often encountered. The toppings nicely complemented the meat and cheese, but in retrospect, of course they should have, I picked them out myself.

Overall, this establishment provided me an enjoyable burrito experience. Being the multi-ethnic cafeteria style place it was, though, I feel that it lacked the integrity that could make it a true power hitter or go to burrito place. To summarize, it was a perfect venue for a warm up during the preseason/spring training, but it would NOT cut it once the real season (May) is here. I’ll give it 5 out of 10.

Until Next Time…..

Looking Foreward to a Freedom Burrito

Friends,

Good tidings to you all from the confines of the Suffolk County Jail! Needless to say its been an interesting 10 months for me. Who knew there was fine print on a restraining order? But rest assured loyal readers, I will be out on the streets and eating burritos come May 1. I look forward to conversing with you soon.

Inmate 946578,
Burritophile

p.s. if anyone has the latest SI Swimsuit issue, could you send it to me C/O Suffolk County Jail? I believe I can trade it for some much needed toiletry items. Thanks!

Time for March Burrito Warm-up

Last Monday, March 21, marked the first full day of spring. With the passing of the Vernal Equinox, we are reminded that Burrito Appreciation Month is quickly approaching.

As the northern latitudes awake from their winter coma, there are many tasks that must be undertaken to properly prepare ourselves for the sunlight, warmth, and longer days that are forthcoming. Spring cleaning, removing snow tires, tuning up outdoor equipment, and unpacking the golf clubs are all examples of how we make ourselves ready for the spring. While these tasks are very important, I ask you not to forget what is possibly the most important of all spring rituals, having the first Spring Burrito!

Today I had my first Spring Burrito at LaConia (45N Wells, Loop). The steak burrito squizo was wonderful; I, however, was not. My lack burrito shape can be currently witnessed in the form or a huge stain on my dress shirt. After a winter in hibernation, it is almost like I forgot how to eat a burrito. SHAME ON ME! I must now pay the price for my lack of shape by wearing this stain around work for the rest of the day. It's OK, though, I'll just call it my little "grease colored badge of courage".

Just like you probably wouldn't go to the beach without going to the gym at least once, don't go into burrito appreciation month without at least a few warm-up burritos. Personally, I wouldn't recommend going to the gym or the beach without first having a burrito either.

Until next time....

We are only 72 Days Away....

...that is 72 days, or 648 hours, or 38,880 minutes, or 2,332,000 I mean 2,331,999, wait 2,331,998, no 2,331,997 seconds away from Sunday May 1, on which the most glorious Burrito Appreciation Month to date will commence. Stay posted!

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

Unfortunately the subject line does not explain the burrito's usual path along my digestive tract, but rather describes this past May's burrito appreciation month from the eyes of yours truely.

June 1 is always a reflective day as it marks the official end of the most wonderful 31 days of the year, May, in which we celebrate the burrito.

The first half of this month I was carelessly frolicing for burrito stand to burrito stand without a care in the world. Beautiful spanglish flowed from my mouth, and the burrito was the center of my attention. In the second half of May, due to a relentless work and travel schedule, coupled with numerous personal engagements, I was hardly able to make time for my dear old friend the burrito.

Although over the last 2+ weeks I was only able to enjoy 3 burritos, I feel it is my appointed duty to tell you about these burrito experiences:

1. Las Camales #3 - 1500 block of West 18th Street (Pilsen) - On Mothers Day I took a trip to Pilsen to celebrate the other giver of life, the burrito. My sights were set on El Nuevo Leon which I believe to be the best and most authentic Mexican Resturant in Chicago. I could write a novel on the merits of this paradise located on the near south side of Chicago. With its excellence, though, comes a huge following and a 2+ hour wait, mostly consisting of locals from the neighborhood. Strapped for time I went across the street to Las Camales #3 and ordered a Pastor y Carne Asada Burrito. The staff was extremely friendly and the scene was vibrant, however, the burrito was only average...there was no greatness here. Nothing wrong with the burrito, but nothing to pull me back...it was kind of like the neighbor who is nice enough, but doesn't really beckon you in. Average meat and beans, OK veggies. I give it a 5.5 out of 10.

2. Las Asadas - 2000 block of North Western Ave (Bucktown) - This burrito stand is in a brand new and much upgraded location. It used to be located in a small shack across the street that is now populated by a hot dog stand. Although it is now in a very nice locale, it has not lost its roots, making great burritos. The Las Asadas Burrito is a meat lovers dream. I ordered a carne asada burrito mixed only with cilantro and onions. The meat is delicious, and the burrito was great! Even in the 85-degree mid-day heat, this was an excellent way to top of a nice long run through the neighborhood. The burrito never touched the plate once I picked it up. 8.5 out of 10.

3. The Burrito house - 3500 block of North Lincoln Ave (Northcenter) - There is no reason to even write about this burrito - it is simply the best! 10 out of 10! Get the hell off you computer and go get one (I recommend Al Pastor, but there is no wrong choice here, even for vegetarians)! Go, now!!! Buena, Buena, Buena!!!

With the excitement of May past me, I no longer take joy in stalking the Burritophile. Feelings are simmered and for the next 11 months were are meerely friends who may catch a ball game or golf together.

God is May wonderful! See you all in 2011!