Warm Up #9 - Superburrito Es Muy Bueno!

If you have been paying attention (and I’m guessing most of you have been reading our site daily and have been deeply tuned in), I am skipping a few warm-ups on the blog. There are two main reasons. First of all, it gets boring to continue writing about practice. Secondly, the Burritophile is back on the loose and I want to keep a low profile so he can’t find me. I have heard rumors that during his incarceration, the Burritophile has taken a turn to the dark side. While I am not worried about my own personal safety, I am very worried about the safety of my burritos. I have heard he has started doing very vile things to them (picture the American Pie movie, but substitute the cherry pie with a burrito). While I have no way of confirming whether these rumors are true, I have notified PETB (People for the ethical treatment of burritos) and I am sure they will have a nice long talk with him.

For my warm-up #9, I went to La Pasidita (1141 N. Ashland, Ukrainian Village). This place has a bit of a bizarre set-up as at one site they have three different locations (The previous sentence is likely as confusing as their set-up). There are two La Pasidita locations right next to each other on the west side of Ashland, and a third right across the street on the east side (not to be confused with a 4th, La Pasada, which is in the same block just south of La Pasadita on the west side of Ashland). I have provided the address they give on their web-site, and could not even tell you the address of the one I actually procured my burrito. The other peculiar item about this restaurant is the hours. They close at 3AM on Saturdays, which is the exact time that the non-late night bars close in Chicago. Fortunately for me, I got in there a little before 3, so I was OK (though I was told I had to take my burrito to go…not sure if that is related to the 3AM closing or the fact that they didn’t like me). Anyways, there were literally droves of people (no exaggeration at least 50 people) that they ended up turning away. This is the sign of a great burrito and a poorly executed business plan.

I ordered the Carne Asada Super Burrito. At first I thought it egotistical and maybe even a bit eccentric to name something the “Super Burrito”. After all, aren’t all burritos super in nature? What was so special about this one? I quit my moronic rant after I took my first bite into the burrito. Holy sh*t, this thing was awesome! Carne Asada, cheese, beans, cilantro, sour cream, and guac all placed in a wonderful burrito shell. At $8.50, this was a bit pricey, but it was worth every penny (especially since I didn't pay anything, it was bought for me), and the portion was huge. I was unable to finish my burrito Saturday night but it passed the test of time and still tasted great when I enjoyed the remainder of the burrito on Sunday. Easily 9 out of 10, well deserved! If they can consolidate into 1 location and stay open past 3, they have a chance in the Chicago Burrito Bowl championship! Bueno!

Until Next Time...

Warm-up #4 - El Burrito Mexicano

Friends of burritos,
Well God bless early release for good behavior. I'm out on the streets and ready to stalk....some burritos! As is my custom, whenever I am let out of jail (regardless of which state I happen to be incarcerated) I head back to Chicago and eat a burrito. It's a long standing tradition in my family going all the way back to my great grandfather, Ed Burritophile. He did a three year stretch at San Quentin for murdering a man during a game of backgammon (it was self defense) and upon release he hitchhiked all the way to Chicago and ate a burrito. They were called meat wrapped dough pies in those days of course and were usually purchased out of the back of a flat bed truck. He soon after died of dysentery but not before visiting my great grandmother at her brothel. Anyway, back to present day....

I went to watch the Cubs play the Diamondbacks at Wrigley Field last Wednesday. The Cubs lost. I like it when the Cubs lose because they are anti-burrito. Don't ask me how I know that. Let's just say I have some inside sources that have heard the Ricketts family talk disparagingly about burritos. Can't we all just get along? So after reveling in a Diamondbacks victory I waddled over to a burrito purveyor on Addison right next to the Red Line. El Burrito Mexicano is a nondescript place but they serve one heckuva a burrito. I got mine with steak, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and onion. At least I think that's what I ordered. I was really drunk. One of my other traditions after leaving jail is to get really hammered (another one passed down from Great Grandpa Ed. This probably explains why he ended up with my great grandmother. I've seen pictures. Yikes!) so I may have ordered a taquito for all I know.  But I'm pretty sure I ordered a burrito based on my burps later on that night. Considering the burps were all delicious, the burrito must have been as well. And as all burrito aficionados know, burrito burps are like "legs" on a glass of wine. So based on my burps, I must give this burrito an 8. Perhaps I will go back when sober and see if this is really the case but for now I trust my tummy gas.

Until next time....

Burritophile

Warm-up #3 - Fiesta Mexicana

If practice makes perfect, then I will most certainly be perfect at enjoying Burritos in the month of May. In all honesty, I have no idea how perfection is measured in the field of burrito appreciation. I could probably put together a spreadsheet to calculate it, but this might be a problem for that is way too complex for me, maybe a task for NASSA to undertake. With space funding down, I’m sure that they boys at NASSA will have a little spare time on their hands to put together an Algorithm to quantitively measure the enjoyment of one of our most important natural resources, the burrito. The algorithm, or burritorithm, will be the next thing sweeping the solar system.

For my third warm-up, I went to Fiesta Mexicana (4806 N. Broadway, Uptown). I gotta be honest, this place has a lot of pastel. The pastel décor is a little overwhelming and very distracting. It is a hue of pastel that I do not believe really exists in Mexico. It is almost as if the decorator was asked to decorate the place how he or she thought Mexico might appear, without ever having really been to there. I am a man of substance over appearance, taste over aesthetics, but sometimes an overrunning of the senses occurs. While I was not undergoing a psychedelic blending of the senses where you can hear a taste or see a sound, the sight of pastel did distract from the overall taste and enjoyment of my burrito.

The burrito itself was definitely above average. I felt like I just returned to a venue of major league burritos. In observation of a lent Friday, I ordered a carne asada burrito. Good meat, solid toppings, and they made the burrito as they saw fit, so the customer is not responsible for walking the maker topping by topping through what they would like on their burrito. If I was ordering to go, I could probably give this a 7.5, but due to the decoration of the place, the dine-in experience gets a 6.5. Someday, maybe if they fire the Easter bunny and find a true Mexican decorator, this place can improve.

Until next time…..

Warm Up #2

As I start this post, I should clarify that it has nothing to do with taking a #2, or the "warming" effects that a burrito can have on a #2, but rather is just the second in a series of Warm-ups.

Today I took a departure from my typical burrito shack routine and decided to try a different type of venue. I went to the cafeteria in the basement of the Chase Tower in Chicago (10S. Dearborn, loop) which I later learned is named Plaza Market Bistro.

Plaza Market Bistro is a great place to go when you are with a group of people that can’t decide on what they want. The cafeteria offers a cornucopia of styles and ethnicities of food. Everything is represented, Asian, Mediterranean, Italian, Stir Fry, Traditional American, New York Deli, etc… While variety may be the spice of life for some, I was able to quickly hunker down to the only thing that mattered to me, the Mexican Stand.

It appeared that the burrito choices were some sort of beef, chicken, and chorizo. When in doubt, I always say ‘go pig’, so chorizo it was. The burrito initially comes with chorizo and shredded cheese that is placed on the soft shell and is warmed on a skillet, toasting the shell and melting the cheese. Once properly toasted, there are a variety of toppings available. I went for cilantro, jalapenos, black olives, sour cream, and rojo and verde salsas. Normally, I am a much bigger fan of burrito places that exude confidence and just make the burritos as they will, instead of using what I call the ‘Subway Style’ where you need to point out what toppings you would like. In this instance, however, the ‘Subway Style’ was welcoming because my direction kept lettuce and a very sickly looking sweet pepper off my burrito.

The burrito was light on the stomach and had a nice flavor to it. The Chrizo was well seasoned, but did not have that overpowering, give you heart burn quality that is often encountered. The toppings nicely complemented the meat and cheese, but in retrospect, of course they should have, I picked them out myself.

Overall, this establishment provided me an enjoyable burrito experience. Being the multi-ethnic cafeteria style place it was, though, I feel that it lacked the integrity that could make it a true power hitter or go to burrito place. To summarize, it was a perfect venue for a warm up during the preseason/spring training, but it would NOT cut it once the real season (May) is here. I’ll give it 5 out of 10.

Until Next Time…..

Looking Foreward to a Freedom Burrito

Friends,

Good tidings to you all from the confines of the Suffolk County Jail! Needless to say its been an interesting 10 months for me. Who knew there was fine print on a restraining order? But rest assured loyal readers, I will be out on the streets and eating burritos come May 1. I look forward to conversing with you soon.

Inmate 946578,
Burritophile

p.s. if anyone has the latest SI Swimsuit issue, could you send it to me C/O Suffolk County Jail? I believe I can trade it for some much needed toiletry items. Thanks!

Time for March Burrito Warm-up

Last Monday, March 21, marked the first full day of spring. With the passing of the Vernal Equinox, we are reminded that Burrito Appreciation Month is quickly approaching.

As the northern latitudes awake from their winter coma, there are many tasks that must be undertaken to properly prepare ourselves for the sunlight, warmth, and longer days that are forthcoming. Spring cleaning, removing snow tires, tuning up outdoor equipment, and unpacking the golf clubs are all examples of how we make ourselves ready for the spring. While these tasks are very important, I ask you not to forget what is possibly the most important of all spring rituals, having the first Spring Burrito!

Today I had my first Spring Burrito at LaConia (45N Wells, Loop). The steak burrito squizo was wonderful; I, however, was not. My lack burrito shape can be currently witnessed in the form or a huge stain on my dress shirt. After a winter in hibernation, it is almost like I forgot how to eat a burrito. SHAME ON ME! I must now pay the price for my lack of shape by wearing this stain around work for the rest of the day. It's OK, though, I'll just call it my little "grease colored badge of courage".

Just like you probably wouldn't go to the beach without going to the gym at least once, don't go into burrito appreciation month without at least a few warm-up burritos. Personally, I wouldn't recommend going to the gym or the beach without first having a burrito either.

Until next time....

We are only 72 Days Away....

...that is 72 days, or 648 hours, or 38,880 minutes, or 2,332,000 I mean 2,331,999, wait 2,331,998, no 2,331,997 seconds away from Sunday May 1, on which the most glorious Burrito Appreciation Month to date will commence. Stay posted!